From Victim to Victimized

The process and consequences of playing the victim role.

We were born into the world naked and thus devoid of expectations whatsoever. We grew up, perhaps in a family, which provided our needs and propelled us to excel in other areas of our lives.

During the life journey, however, we may encounter several disturbances in these areas like school, or workplace or other community engagements that are unexpectedly jarring and marring to what our initial thoughts or beliefs were and then we begin to ‘rearrange’ our thoughts, recheck our belief and rehearse our values — giving rise to a somewhat totally new perspective to life.

Then, with this change comes the feeling of entitlement — that we deserve better, we belong in a better social circle or family class, that we have been living so righteously and staying out of trouble not to encounter these disruptions at this time in our lives, you name it.

Then we begin to fill in the gaps of a victim.

We learn about the word and we totally accept that we’re exactly that and we continue to portray deeper signs to consolidate it.

We carry on with this mentality, giving rise to a different perspective to life, until we jam many other similar, -but-not-so similar stories about other people who’re going through shit as well. The ones who are the real victims, then our eyes and minds open further to the derailment we’ve been inflicting on ourselves.

That we have been playing the role of a victim all these while and it has turned us to the victimized — albeit we were just encountering the ‘downs’ of life, which is imperative for growth and development — further exacerbating that we’re really not the victims.

A victim is someone who’s on the ‘other side of the rope’ in any given circumstance. One who is ‘the’ oppressed, maltreated or neglected. The sufferer. One who does the good and unfortunately gets ‘the’ bad. One who gets the unfair share of the ‘cake or pie’ — in this case life happenings.

Another scenario is a man whose beloved wife was knocked down by accident and was sent into a coma, struggling for her dear life, she was already pronounced dead when the husband ‘stubbornly’ refused and requested for a transfer to an overseas hospital where she’s liable to receive more adequate upgraded medical attention. He knew he needed his wife the most, especially when they were at the precipice of foregoing a housewarming party for their newly built house. He had that and a lot more to lose if he lost his wife.

Thankfully, she recovered from it all. He was proud of his actions and more so, grateful for the gift of life bestowed back to his wife.

Not too long after that, tragedy struck again, many of his landed properties were engulfed in a fire outbreak that cost many lives in the process. He arrived at the site for inspection with a heavy heart wondering what he could have done so wrong for all these to befall him.

Currently, he’s unable to give out his daughter’s hand in marriage because of the peak of the current Coronavirus pandemic of which social distancing, one of the important precautionary measures to take, has annulled that intention till further notice.

This is someone who is the victim and victimized; not said or inferred, but actually victimized.

When you compare both scenarios you’d realize that there’s a difference. Although both situations could easily fit for the role of a victim, the first one analyzed a clear life happening that would mostly happen to anyone, whereas the second one is the true victimized scenario which not everyone encounters — at a stretch.

Often times when we play the victims unnecessarily, we actually become victimized even when we don’t deserve it. When you keep playing the victim of a poor man who doesn’t have so that you can get all the pity and attention, it leaves you stuck and actually poor because you want to stick to the script.

The process always starts with assuming that life is happening to only you. That there’s no way out other than gathering people or your folks around for a pity party.

When you’re truly the victim, you’d know. You’ll feel it and most times, rarely seek the pity or attention from people around you. But when you’re not and you play that role, it becomes hard to tell the difference between that and when something ‘worse’ has truly happened to you.

Noticed I inferred the word worse. That’s because I’m not ruling out the fact that you could be going through some low-down stuff. Only that I’m interested in the fact that you’re aren’t doing anything or much, so to say, to alleviate that situation.

You’re enjoying the pity party. You relish in moments where everyone’s face is gloomy and attention is all on you. You’re savoring the unknown fact that you’re an extortionist — of your loved one’s time, money, energy and so on — all in the bid to come to your rescue — unnecessarily.

During this process, you would have exercised the skills required to ‘fake it till you make it’ mantra and hence, become an expert (i.e. victimized) with real issues and real-life circumstances. And when help comes, it would come in the same manner you’ve always extorted them. There would be no upgrade; mostly with the compassion, financial contribution and other energies usually exerted in calming you down.

By the time you know it you begin to suffer — but more lonely this time. No one will understand your situation more than how you’ve always portrayed it before.

You develop that sickness indeed. Become poor indeed. Become depressed indeed.

At this point, you could get it worse when you start noticing that your folks or others around you are starting to avoid you — as you reek of negative energy that they don’t want to succumb to when you call for it — they may attribute.

And by then, you’d wish you curtailed the rate at which you expressed your concerns, the scripts you engaged in playing the victim role.

At the end of the day, everyone is a victim of life’s yin and yang. It’s all about making up your mind to acknowledging this fact — which will minimize the wrenching pain associated and hence, avoid the victim role-play that derails you further.

When you’ve been struck with life happenings and you’re lucky to be surrounded with the people you love and are positively filled, make good use of it and tamper the pain with thoughts that you have your loved ones you can dote on, it’s not personal as it can happen to anyone, and be prepared (open-minded) for when something else comes along.

At this point, your belief in yourself and God, whatever supreme being you believe in, in conjunction with your outlook in life are the only saviors you’ll have.

But when you aren’t a victim and confuse your natural life happenings and play that role, don’t worry, it’s time to forgive yourself for doing so. Let go of what is holding you back and accept reality for what it is. As a believer, I know there’s power in the tongue. Proclaiming negative or positive words onto yourself has a way of materializing as so. Be careful of your utterances, in the bid to executing this victim role that you play so that you don’t become actually victimized as pronounced. It’s hard but not impossible.

It’s okay to have good days and talk about them as well. It’s okay to receive money and use it on yourself and others if you like to show that you’re prospering in that area. It’s okay to smile even in the face of adversity(stoicism) in order not to worry your loved ones or other people around you etcetera so that you don’t turn into the person ‘who cries wolf’.

Quit playing the victim role and assume life roles as they come and you won’t be victimized — even when you’re a victim.

Choose well.

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